Learn To Be Still

Here are my thoughts to someone who had questions about a long distance relationship. So many uncertainties engulf and so little comfort the more you think about it.

It's called faith... ldr does wear you down. Its called faith because tho u cant hold it, u know its there. You cant hold wind, but you enjoy its caresses. This relationship (of you and the wind) doesn't seem logical, but your wanting for it defies any justification, that is - waiting, waiting and more waiting without even being able to see, push or hurry it. Yet the promise of a blowing wind tomorrow cannot be granted readily to you. And still you stand unwithered.

If you have such lingering feelings, then I guess your faith hasn't run dry. Hence, putting logic aside for a while, your test for qualification would then be: faith - how much? and how much more? I agree with much of your arguments above and I do wish I can help the deconstruction process more. But one can't get someone out of a maze when one's in one too. Thus i can only share. Whatever it is, best wishes.

I do wish time provides answers. Faith asks of you to trust your heart and nothing else. If you should falter in the process, let it be a lesson you hold for life. Afterall, life is about learning from outcomes of both care and carelessness. But then, if you succeed, teach me.

Wanna Push That Boat Away....

Hey how have you been, Furdy? Gotta tell you life's been a see-saw, rollercoaster thru this time. Been having tots of writing stuff but my poor motivation of expressing myself in words had gone low somehow.

One thing got me peeved today... Been having plenty of relationship flashes (mine and others') that I find disturbing. Preamble - just got back from a trip to the Grampians wif a bunch of old n new friends. Some came back wif renewed bonds, some unsettled bonds, and me.... clear head without bonds. The worrying part is, clear head usually spells troubled heart.

Just skimmed accross Fster which I have not been in for a long time, found out that a friend of mine has been untruthful to me. Has been someone i was once interested in for sometime bk then in sgp long time ago. But just realised I have been one heck of a toss around for the longest time too. For the better years that I have known her, both this friend and I were attached to our partners. Amidst that, been her confidant for many years, tho she knew of my feelings after some time. But some recent revelations just gave me the irks, apart from the Fster stuff. Found out she's been not telling me she jumped ship to another person, and left me in the dark, no worse, told me other things and stories abt her love life. Why? I am not judgemental abt these things. I know love is kind, love is selfish, albeit my lightsided humour on most things in life. Screw all those times I had to console her and all that. I am tired already. Ahh... let's just say I am not one who likes to be lied to, be it i was or not interested in her. For I am trusting and rock solid in helping a friend in need. 'tsit, I hav severed ties before I will again. More like a lesson to me and not the other party.

Haha.. just did it. Dun have to put up wif half fast excuses of not being contactable and what nots. I can't continue on, that she'd knowingly and repeatedly lied to me for year long and still have a decent truthful conversation with her. By being accessible at all times to her, the least I can ask for is some honesty. Just can't do it anymore. Somehow today I realised that I can do without this.... should have learnt tat long ago. At this age, can fucking forego friendship of 10 years, rock the fucking boat and push the boat far far away. See u in another 10 years, or not.

Apart from that - I do feel invigourated - emancipated - somewhat indifferent abt some things, puzzled about the rest.


Bon nuit!