Wanna Push That Boat Away....

Hey how have you been, Furdy? Gotta tell you life's been a see-saw, rollercoaster thru this time. Been having tots of writing stuff but my poor motivation of expressing myself in words had gone low somehow.

One thing got me peeved today... Been having plenty of relationship flashes (mine and others') that I find disturbing. Preamble - just got back from a trip to the Grampians wif a bunch of old n new friends. Some came back wif renewed bonds, some unsettled bonds, and me.... clear head without bonds. The worrying part is, clear head usually spells troubled heart.

Just skimmed accross Fster which I have not been in for a long time, found out that a friend of mine has been untruthful to me. Has been someone i was once interested in for sometime bk then in sgp long time ago. But just realised I have been one heck of a toss around for the longest time too. For the better years that I have known her, both this friend and I were attached to our partners. Amidst that, been her confidant for many years, tho she knew of my feelings after some time. But some recent revelations just gave me the irks, apart from the Fster stuff. Found out she's been not telling me she jumped ship to another person, and left me in the dark, no worse, told me other things and stories abt her love life. Why? I am not judgemental abt these things. I know love is kind, love is selfish, albeit my lightsided humour on most things in life. Screw all those times I had to console her and all that. I am tired already. Ahh... let's just say I am not one who likes to be lied to, be it i was or not interested in her. For I am trusting and rock solid in helping a friend in need. 'tsit, I hav severed ties before I will again. More like a lesson to me and not the other party.

Haha.. just did it. Dun have to put up wif half fast excuses of not being contactable and what nots. I can't continue on, that she'd knowingly and repeatedly lied to me for year long and still have a decent truthful conversation with her. By being accessible at all times to her, the least I can ask for is some honesty. Just can't do it anymore. Somehow today I realised that I can do without this.... should have learnt tat long ago. At this age, can fucking forego friendship of 10 years, rock the fucking boat and push the boat far far away. See u in another 10 years, or not.

Apart from that - I do feel invigourated - emancipated - somewhat indifferent abt some things, puzzled about the rest.


Bon nuit!