Grandma get well soon

My grandma is right now lying on a hospital bed under heavy dependency. A week ago my mum called me during workhours to tell me that grandma was very sick. On Sunday, I went back to see her. When I saw her, I was shocked to see a pale 80 plus year old lady on her bed. She could not move herself except for some hand gestures and she could not talk. Breathing from her mouth, what she had left functioning properly was her eyes. Even then her left eye could hardly open.

Monday I had to come back with a heavy heart. I worked through and yesterday I called to check how the hospital check up went. My mum told me that her kidneys failed and required a few life support systems. I cried soon after that phone call....

Only two weeks ago when I went back, I chatted with her. I bought them some heong piah to eat. In my younger days, my granddad used to buy home those after work. My grandfolks have been on semi strict diet since a few years back. So I know they have not had these for the longest time. I know they'd enjoy it. Before I left hometown, my grandma told me to take good care of myself.... because she can't be here to take care of me. I felt really touched.

When I saw her on Sunday, she vigorously shook my hand as if she'd wanted to tell me something. I didn't understand what it meant. I saw it in her eyes, she'd meant something, but at that time I interpreted it as she wanted some water. Later I asked my mum what it could have meant. My mum said it was probably due to the Parkinson's. I hardly think so now. I think she wanted to tell me that it wasn't her time yet, and she didn't want to leave us.

I have lived beside my grandfolks all my life. For the past 10 years I have been studying and working outside of the country and only occassionally went back home. I really appreciate their company and the fact that they are just next door. I grew up knowing that my grandfolks are near me, and that I am not so alone. For as long as I can remember, Chinese New Year eves we'd always stayed up till past midnight and burnt incense, then tea ceremony. Now I can only pray that next year it be the same... everyone be there.

So there I was, at the void deck feeling - void. Phone in my hand, I sat there for the longest time. Then I went to a safe place, where my tears rolled and my words heard. 20 minutes later, I took a walk.

This afternoon, I called home. Dad said there is some improvement, as the kidney functioned slightly better today. I am praying hard that she lives through this challenging time.