Don't blame me if you find something useful outta this

Ha... just another one for the daily grind. Went back to Malacca since last Wednesday and came back yesterday. Went back so that I can receive my shipment of goodies that I had sent from Melbourne. Yes, yes.. all 16 boxes arrived without damage. Thanks to Ryan for suggesting that we wrap the boxes with cling wrap. Not damaged but really dusty. The final amount for sending 1.25 cubic metres (6 large and 10 small Jetta boxes) is = around RM2000 from Seascape.... right to my doorstep in Malacca. Wah... thats about 20% of the total value of things that I sent. Surprisingly no issues from customs. Nonetheless..... I am one of those who is sentimental about my things. Sure with RM2K I can buy lotsa things... but I can never replace the memories that the things hold for me... Now, much memories of Melbourne seem to stay within the confines of 1 cubic metre in the corner of my room. I spent the last 2 days decommisionning a few boxes and creating space in my room to accomodate the new incumbents of my room.

Speaking of emotional baggage. Read someone's blog. Someone who like me who has just recently left Melbourne to return to her home country. It then strikes me how much I took my time in Melbourne for granted. Here everyday I am faced with questions of fellow colleagues who think of going over to Australia (be it for studies, holidays or retirement) and I have to do things the other way round - coming back from where many are heading. But I guess working here does something to build the ego as well. For instance, I realised that I am eligible for to carry MIES (Member of Institution of Engineers Singapore), and the company will pay for that! Ooh... one more postnomial to add... (with no significant benefit except again, the Eeeego). Also, by having a job, I can proceed with logging and attempting for chartered professional engineership, which is the general direction I am heading (Cakap besar saje). I spoke to my Principal Engineer and asked him if he'd joined any professional associations. He said he was a member with the IEEE but then later decided that it did nothing much for him so he decided not to renew. Beats me if you ask me... again for the sake of ego. I'd like to look at it as something I can pursue and go forward to. Nevertheless, what more would I have done different while I was there? Nothing.

Know who my all time favourite idol is? Sir John Monash. He's got a bachelor and masters degree in Civil Engineering I think, was accredited professionally, built one of the bridges across the Yarra (which still stands today), rose through the ranks of the army to become General, was chairman of public medical and eletrical boards, had law and arts qualifications, was a keen musician and was knighted. Boy you'd think that you need 3 lifetimes to achieve what he did but let me tell ya.... this man did it. That's why Monash students can always stand proud bearing the name of this great person. Every night when I leave the Mech Eng study room in building 31, I come face to face with this larger than life portrait of this great man. I would always salute (yeah you think its crazy) the picture and be on my way down the steps, out the sliding door and into the cold of the night... I think his achievements inspire me - to brave the night, fight temptations of hanging out with friends, to sleep less, to work more. I think everyone needs someone to lookup to. Here in Singapore I can't pay homage to this portrait but I can imagine the discipline, sharpness and determination this man had in his lifetime.

Melbourne, I'd be damned if I could walk through the suburbian streets. Don't have to be the city, just the normal way of quiet, free and relatively safe community lifestyle gets to me. Patience is a virtue I guess. The more I hold it out, the better shot I get at achieving my short term objectives.

I guess life's like that, you spend a few years thinking and aiming what you want to do, you spend a few years doing what you had wanted to do, you spend a few years more looking around as you become increasingly unsure, you spend a few years reassessing your goals in life because you ain't getting any younger and harsh realities set in, you decide to settle down because it seems the most sensible thing to do... then you start to wonder again... Tough. It's true that it's harder to make it these days than it was 20 years ago. What if you can have the most promising job you can get your hands on but lack the quality of life? Conversely, what if you have a comfortable life but your job just doesn't cut it? There are still so many what ifs out there that I dare not begin to wonder.

What is good life? A friend asked in his blog "What inspires you?" To me, I think it is the feel factor that you experience throughout your life. Afterall, life is nothing but a series of feelings when you take a reductionist point of view. Now wouldn't life be good if it is just a series perpetual things that you enjoy doing? Like socialising, going on excursions with friends, doing good sports, playing an instrument well, great family life, having your dream house, dream garden, dream partner, doing great at work, appreciating art and be proactive in the pursuit of art itself, having the freedom to choose when, where, how long you want to work and with who, writing the memoir of your life - just so you leave a little something behind, or write a poem or compose a song, or shout your lungs out into the ocean, or make disadvantaged people happy, completely not planning or hoping for something and take a chance on it, visit a new country every year, remain in a foreign place and truly live as a temporary native and learn how life can be different from ours, swim with the dolphins, conquer a mountain, own a boat, visit Macchu Picchu, rediscover the pyramids of Egypt, watch the fjords freeze your ass white, visit Cape Town, Huang Shan, Lhasa, the Red Square, Warsaw, Morocco, Algeria & Tunisia, Greek Islands, the Carribean, Bouenes Aires, the Grand Canyon, Central America, Schloss von Liechenstein, Burkina Faso, New York, Armenia, the Balkans, Kamchatka, Mongolia, Madagascar, the Poles, Xi An. One lifetime against the entire natural history of the world. At the end of the day, in a long enough timescale (such that man's existence on Earth is negligible), what is worth our living for comes down to individual feelings spanning their lifetimes. We still die anyway however you wanna put it, irrespective of race, religion, ideology, achievements and wealth. Remember that I said it's harder live these days than it was 20 years ago? And to think that we have to work hard for the things that are but of land, of people and history. FUCK, shoot the man who invented money, and his asshole friend who invented the clock.

Does this make sense at all?